True Love

Life is all about decisions. Decisions shape our lives, and to some extent, define who we are. Sometimes we try to live life based on our feelings, our emotions, whether it be anger, revenge, hate or, even love. Inevitably, living our life based on these feelings will leave us empty and without direction in our lives. It will NOT lead us toward a goal in our lives. It will not lead us toward satisfaction, peace, or even toward self respect.

The first and most important decision in our lives is the decision to accept God’s direction and plan for our lives. This is a DECISION. It is a decision based on the FACT that God created us and designed us for a purpose. We will never find happiness, peace, and fulfillment apart from that purpose. We cannot make the decision to follow God’s will, design, and purpose for our lives based on how we feel, for if we try to do that, we will stray from the path of achieving the goal. We will be without direction. Sometimes we will chose to act according to our feelings; to try to find the happiness and fulfillment for ourselves based on our feelings. This is called SIN. When we are living in sin it is difficult for us to see the truth of God’s plan.

For example, if you were to raise an animal, from infancy, in total darkness, that animal would eventually lose its ability to see, even though he could once see. Living in sin is exactly the same for us. If we continue to DECIDE to live outside of God’s plan for our lives, then we begin to lose the ability to see His plan clearly. Thanks to His Grace, He will continue to pursue us in our sin, and will continue to call us back to Him. This, in part, accounts for the feelings of guilt when we sin, when we do wrong. For us to continue to reject this calling is to reject the life and the plan that He has designed for us to have peace, happiness, and fulfillment.

Perhaps the next most important decision in our lives is the decision of CHOSING to love another person. Usually that decision is based, in part, initially, on our FEELINGS. God designed us to have feelings but He does not intend for us to be ruled by them or to make our life decisions based on them. However, having “feelings” for another person can lead us to DECIDING to love that person. After a while, the “feelings” will go away. Then all you have left is the decision that you have made to love that person. We are fooled by the “father of lies” when we think that LOVE is a feeling that we have.

The feelings that we have are all about US. Love is NOT about us.

Love is about the other person. Love is a decision to ACT toward another person in a way that has that person’s best interest at heart. Jesus did not suffer and die on the cross because He “felt” like it. He decided to accept that because of His love for us. It was not about Him at that moment, it was all about us. That is true love, and real love. It is that kind of love that when given to another will provoke a response of a similar love. That is, when we love our mate with that kind of love, then, in turn, our mate will respond to that love.

When we have lived in darkness for a while, that is, when we have chosen to live our life based on our own feelings rather than deciding to follow God’s plan, then it takes a while for us to be able to see again. This is part of God’s discipline for us. He wants us to learn from the sufferings of our own mistakes. He wants us to do that so that we will not want to make those bad decisions again.

How deeply we suffer and hurt and how severely we experience the pain depends on how long we resist moving back toward God.

The longer we resist, the greater our suffering will be. The suffering, the anguish, the emptiness are all signs of His love for us. They are gifts given to us to help us achieve the goal of our lives, which is to follow His design and purpose for us.

In our marriages, God’s design and purpose for us is to LOVE our spouse; for us to Love our spouse for as long as we live or for as long as they live. How terrible it is to be given life’s most precious gifts, only for us to throw them away, to abuse them, or to refuse to accept them. The most precious gifts which God has given to us is, first of all Jesus, His love, and his plan for our lives. And, next is a life partner, a mate, our spouse who can help us achieve His plan for our lives when we are both in tune with Him. How can we be so selfish? How can we be so bold? How can we be so stupid? To refuse God’s plan to give us the best of everything and to make our own decisions based on our own feelings of selfishness.

It is because, we chose to follow the “father of lies” rather than to follow the “Father of Love”.

When we decide to follow God’s plan for our lives, all things will begin to fall into place. Not all things will be rosy and good, but all things will fall into place to help us achieve His goal for us. It is the same with our marriage. When we chose to love our spouse in the way that God intends, and our spouse makes the same decision, all things will fall into place. The “feelings” are not the same as when we chose to make our own selfish decisions, but the feelings are much more real, they are much more satisfying, and they will last; they will not fade. And our marriage relationship will be deeper. The love for our spouse will be so much more satisfying and meaningful. It is a growing and maturing experience for us that will give us the self respect that we seek to achieve.

If we continually follow our feelings and our own selfishness, then we will NEVER experience the true love that God has designed for us and has designed us for. That is a tragic loss in anyone’s life.

We do not wait for our spouse to be all that we want them to be before we LOVE them. This, again, is selfishness not love. Remember that Jesus LOVED us while we were choosing to live in selfishness (sin) and making our own plans, while we were refusing Him, rejecting Him, He still CHOSE (decided) to love us anyway; and to love us enough to suffer and die for us.

To what extent will we go to show our mate how much we love them?

Will we wait until they “deserve” it? Will we wait until they are all that we want them to be? Will we wait until they make us “feel” good?

Or will we chose to love them unconditionally and to give them the BEST of all that we have? When we do this,

then we will find the “true” love;

we will find the real love;
we will find the love which God designed for us,
and it will be a love that we can not, and will not, experience any other way.

It is the BEST way!!